We plan, God laughs — it’s a good thought to remember.

“Jesus I trust in you“ is my faithful prayer.

August has had many ups and downs. My pain has been up which makes me kind of down… No not depressed. A word so vague and inappropriately used these days that I do not accept the use of it, for me, ever. It is a word that needs redefining with limited use. Then choose words that have an actual, effective meaning. Not like it hasn’t been done before. By the time I was a kid “idiot, moron and imbecile” were removed from the DSM… actual diagnoses for, basically learning disabilities. They were removed not because they were inaccurate but because they had become part of the lexicon of insults. My actual issue, I’ve been bored resting. I want to do, not just be. Funny, it seems to be coming from straightening my neck (thanks to an amazing chiropractor) …A position it is not used to being in. Right feels wrong and my body needs to figure that out… This takes patience and I am running thin. 

At the same time we have been planning a move. Really for months now. It’s been delayed, moved out, postponed but then mandates. The mandates went up. The mandates went down. We watched and waited. The mandates went way past acceptable. Really, not sure any mandates are acceptable but what’s been going on is 100% wrong.

We will not live where there are medical passports. We will not give up our liberties and we certainly do not live in fear. That’s just plain silly. I’m quite tired of all the silly people. So, we pulled the plug and said no, we will not go to Puerto Rico.

People, Especially doctors, have tried all year to gaslight me but I am fireproof when to comes to knowing myself. I don’t need a psychiatrist. It is not all in my head. Those that doubt me have no place in my life. Those who help, like the Specific Chiropractor that is more than “specific” and making visual changes, as seen on scans. A functional medicine doctor testing everything, proving all the things I’m deficient in and not dismissing me. Rare disease, medication, radiation all took their toll… But answers always help. The surgical counsult for my eyes finally diagnosing me with Sjögren’s. It provides a lot of answers that I need to research. Not like a rheumatologist is gonna help me out anytime soon. But that’s okay. I only want people who believe in me and actually want to help. It typically does not include a Big Pharma pill. Even prescription HRT is not covered by insurance. If it is a pill, that corrects illness in your life, that the local pharmacy has, why is it not covered? Total, complete joke. And once again I am exhausted by lies.

In this great time of fear mongering, that I will never buy into, I realize how much I miss community, friends and like-minded people in real life. Not IRL. Not texting language, not DM‘s or PMs, not social media but face-to-face. If I want to be face-to-face with you I’m not worried about catching something from you. It’s just part of life…. Life with faith. Life with an immune system. Just life.

Paul and I have ventured out to a couple of Western New York spots for waterfalls. “Go Outside” is a very worthy motto. When I can’t move and I’m stuck at home and I have a moment of clarity and I might be able to move I turn that might into a must. We have found quaint parks with shady paths. Being with Paul, outside, moving my feet is always a good thing but my body cannot find the right balance yet. 5K steps, not such a good idea…. then the next week I shortened it to 3K —either way I am still left spending the night on ice packs down my spine and hips. Still worth it but I could use a break. We will keep exploring new places. I will keep resting, afterwards. I will try not to go stir crazy when it takes a week or more.

I was all for moving to the Caribbean. My fear, that I chose not voice, was the humidity and drastic pressure changes with weather. It has been a thorn in my side or really, everywhere, for as long as I can remember but leaving NC, heading back north, changed that drastically. So I had my reservations but I was still excited. We were excited. Then these mandates escalated and we waited and watched and as they increased — desire for this move left me. It no longer felt right. It no longer felt like God’s plan for us. So when medical passports became real and we said — NOPE… I felt relief. Now we wait for where we are supposed to be. It is not here but here is fine for now.

I’ve moved on to dreaming of fall, cooler temperatures and changing leaves. Fall is my favorite time of year.